They Just Give It To You
My grandfather, Bob, who we affectionately refer to as “Geeps” (pronounced “jeeps”) is 97yrs old and his health is failing. I recognize my good fortune to have had so much time with him, and yet watching his inevitable decline has nevertheless proven painful. You see, you could ask literally anyone who’s ever had an interaction with Bob-O over the course of his life and you’d be hard-pressed to find a negative utterance about him. And that’s not me blowing smoke; Geeps is just that kind of guy - selfless, playful, generous, loyal, a bit mischievous, and exceptionally kind. Knowing that he’s lived a long, meaningful, and joy filled life is cold-comfort when a man of Geeps’ character begins his march toward the end. And so as he enters into what are surely his final days, I’m thinking a lot about this man I’ve so greatly admired, loved, and cherished all of these years.
Popcorn Is A Gift?
It’s Christmas morning and we’re pulling onto the property at the Moon Palace, an all-inclusive resort in Cancun, Mexico. To celebrate their 60th anniversary, Geeps and Buster - my grandmother, Barbara, who received her doozy of a nickname as a result of several self-inflicted, clumsy falls - have decided to take our entire extended family on an all-expenses paid vacation. As we approach the entrance, we spot my grandfather, who in in true Geeps fashion is sporting his swimsuit, an open button-down collard shirt, flip-flops, sunglasses, and his gardening hat. He’s holding a bag of popcorn and dawning a puckish grin as he pops one kernel after another into his mouth. We exit the vehicle, eager to exchange hugs and hellos, but before we can do or say anything, Geeps exclaims, “you guys want some popcorn? They just give it to you!” They just give it to you? Classic, Geeps.
Never mind that the all-in cost for 16 of us to take this trip was likely flirting around the 6 figure mark. That particular bag of popcorn, all things considered, was the most expensive bag of popcorn Geeps would ever consume, and yet to him it was a gift, something freely given. Needless to say, we all had a good laugh in the moment; it was the perfect beginning to the wonderful family excursion that would eventually unfold.
This will always be one of my most cherished memories of Geeps.
The Arc of Happiness
In his work The Algebra of Happiness, Professor Scott Galloway - one of my favorite thought leaders - makes the following claim: “Science shows there is an arc to happiness. Specifically, it looks like a smile.” With greater detail and far more profanity than I’ll implement here, Galloway goes on to breakdown the happiness arc. Generally speaking, childhood and adolescence are filled with new and wondrous experiences; playing in the sandbox, hanging with friends, dating, partying, traveling - i.e. there’s no real responsibilities. For this reason, the first phase of life rests at the top left point of the happiness arc. As we enter adulthood, our happiness tends to slide in tandem with the added stresses we incur as real responsibilities begin to develop, such as entering the workforce, getting married, having kids, paying taxes, and so on. This second phase of life is represented in the slope down on the left-hand side of the arc. But then, something happens - somewhere in our 40s and 50s we reach the midway point; the bottom of the curve. It is here that our sense of scope starts to mature; having lived through any number of hardships we being to recognize the beauty and brevity of this truly beautiful and singular experience we call being alive. This third phase of life is represented in the ascending slope on the right side of the happiness arc. And finally, after years of grinding and cultivating, we reach the corresponding point at the upper right side of the arc, where we can’t be bothered with trivialities. It is here we internalize that life is too good, precious, and finite to squander even one more moment on things that just don’t matter.
Now, worth acknowledging here is that there is privilege baked into both the aforementioned story about my Geeps and Professor Galloway’s Arc of Happiness theory. The reality is that most people can’t afford to take 16 people on an all-expenses paid vacation, and not everyone has the “peaches and cream” childhood that’s implied in the happiness arc resembling a smile - some smiles are indeed crooked. The learning here, though, has little to do with privilege and everything to do with attitude and perspective.
Jagged Edges and Soft Contours
Having received a formal education and served as an attorney for the Pickands Mather Group for the bulk of his career, it’s safe to assume that Geeps had a basic understanding of economics - i.e. that money can be used as an exchange for goods and services. As the man who wrote the check for the trip, Geeps knew full well that nothing on this vacation was free, which is what makes this response to the popcorn so profound. His assertion that “they just give it to you” is something a little kid would say, filled with all of the childlike wonder one experiences at the upper left hand side of the happiness arc. There’s a reason children and seniors are amongst the happiest cohorts (assuming good health); generally speaking, the former doesn’t recognize or understand all of the hardships and heaviness that await, and the latter has lived through enough that they’ve internalized the notion that if it can’t eat you, you’re probably going to be ok. Looking at something so small as a bag of popcorn, both experience the same level of awe and wonder, just from different perspectives along the happiness arc.
In my initial post introducing Musings, I opined that I’ve been living about a decade ahead of my peers since my early twenties, meaning that while I’m only 36yrs old I’m beginning to hit the midpoint at the bottom of the happiness arc. To be sure, life has never been crazier (in mostly good ways); I’ve never been pulled in more directions and had to deal with more stressors, and yet there’s this feeling of stillness within the chaos. The jagged edges of what I know - the cerebral - are giving way to the soft contours of what I feel - the emotional. And so, like Geeps, I know that there was nothing free about that popcorn, and yet I now feel all of the surprise and delight he must have felt in that moment.
Of course they just give it to you - the popcorn IS a gift.
With gratitude,